Honestly, I'm still trying to process all that has happened over in Vietnam, but I want to start sharing my story with all of you. I hate writing and this article will be long, but hear me out.... this is something that you will want to read.
On November 7th, I truly lost hope that this entire trip was going to be a waste. On November 8th, I was reunited with my biological family.
When we first headed to the orphanage, I recognized it immediately from when we returned in 2006. Not much has changed, well maybe the grounds were a little nicer. We had a tour of the center and I got to see the room where I was cared for during the first four months of my life and where my mom first laid eyes on me.
This time there were no newborns at the center and they had "no record" of the nanny who took care of me was. To me that was strange, because walking around back in 2006 she recognized me immediately, ran up and gave me a hug. Next we sat down in the same room and were told by the director that they could not release my records, that they had no new information, that they did not know where my biological family was located, etc.. I was thankful I had my family to keep asking questions and pressing for more information, because at that time I was ready to give up. I did not have it in me to press on for more, I thought this was going to be it. Not until after, was I told that MAPS (the adoption agency) no longer works with this orphanage/social welfare center. I was under the impression that we were in very good relations with my orphanage and that they would be more than happy to help me find my biological family. However, I was very wrong. Disappointed and VERY ready to return back to The States, we spent the night in Hòa Bình and still planned to visit the village where I was born, as just Western tourist looking to experience rural Vietnam.
Fast forward to the next day, we drove down rocky dirt roads to the hamlet were I was born. We passed by cows, water buffalo, and stilt houses. It was amazing to see where I came from, however this still was not my tiny mountainous village where I was born. We were relying on our tour guide, Mr. Hai, to keep asking for directions to the village, as it is not on Google Maps, it is all uncharted area. Multiple stops and many twists down roads that are currently being landscaped, we get to the entrance of my small village. We get out of our van and start walking across a suspension bridge, down empty dirty roads, and into the unknown. Mr. Hai would ask for the "head of the village", as he would know everyone who lives in the village and if they knew if someone named Thanh lived there. The first person we asked had no idea. The second person we asked said he was out herding water buffalo, but would be back soon and gave us his number. The third person we asked said that there is a person in this village named Thanh and has one eye. (We knew that my mother was blind in one eye, so this was a solid lead). However, we kept moving on, to see the rest of the village and ask around. The next person we asked was clueless and then the final person, said that there was only one Thanh in this village, and they lived down the street and there was no reason to keep looking up the path past the Kindergarten school. We headed back to the home of the head of the village and his wife had arrived, this is when everything started clicking into place.
At this moment, we knew that there was one person in the village named Thanh, who had one eye, lived with her son and daughter-in-law, and two grandchildren. I became a nervous wreck, but my family was excited and wanted to press on. I kept quiet and followed them into the stilt house that was actually my home. Mr. Hai told the wife to keep calm, as she had an inclination that the only adopted child from this village has returned to be reunited with the family. We wanted to confirm with my biological mother that this was all true, before anything was said. The wife happened to be one of the 5 sisters of my biological mother.
As time ticked on, I asked my family to leave, as I have always wanted to do this on my own. I wanted to be the first to meet my mother and brother, before anyone else. I cannot tell you why, but in the future I might be able to explain it and even understand it myself. I sat on the ground with my aunts (unknown to me at the time). We were waiting for my biological mother to come back from herding her own water buffalo, her sister called her and said she was headed back right away. Still waiting around and anxiously knowing I was about to meet my family, a man walks in. He was crying. From first glance, I knew that this was my brother. I kept asking Hai "is this my brother? is this my brother?", "does he know who I am", and Hai really was not helpful, just said yes and that he just found out and is very emotional. My brother was already crying, but we just stared at each other with no words spoken.
About ten minutes later, a small woman walked in, fragile frame, and blind in one eye. She looked around the room until she met my glance. That is when she dropped to the ground and hugged me. We started crying immediately. The wife of the head of the village joined our embrace, she now could show her emotion knowing that her sister's daughter has finally returned. My brother joined in next and we all just sat there and cried. They were not sad tears, but they were also not joyous tears. I do not know how to fully describe what I was feeling or what everyone in the room was feeling, but it had a sense of fulfillment or completion. After 22 years of questioning and speculating, all was confirmed and we were reunited.
My mother and brother got up abruptly, went over to the only cabinet in the stilt house, pulled out an old tin box, and started riffling through it. That is when I called for my mom to come in and then the rest of my family. When I went to go sit back down, there on the mat was a baby picture of me and my sister, Jenna, that was sent to the orphanage oh so many years ago. It was the unnecessary proof that we all needed to see to know that we finally found each other.
That day was full of tears, hugs, and meeting my entire family. I already come form a huge Texas family, but now I know I also come from a huge Mường tribe family. I met my grandmother, aunts, cousins, nephews, brother, mother, and everyone in-between. They made us a fresh meal and it was wonderful to sit there with my mother and brother for the first time ever. We returned the next day for a celebration for the 1st month of my baby nephew's life, but in reality it felt more like a party of the reunion of lost family. Everyone was there and my heart could not have been more full.
Having both my adoptive and biological family all together in one room, it was hard to wrap my head around everything or to take in everything that was happening. But for the first time ever, I knew my soul was complete. They dressed me in the traditional Mường costume and we took family photos. It was hard to say goodbye, but my brother and mother met us at a rest stop on our way to Ninh Bình, which is over an hour motorbike ride for them to say one last goodbye. We sat in an outdoor "coffee shop", and we held hands, drank our drinks, and had our last moments together. I wear a gold chain on my neck that my mother and brother gave me and a gold ring given to me by my cousins. Simple jewelry, but incredibly special to me. My mother wears a bracelet that will remind her of me everyday. We hugged and kissed goodbye, and that is when we all broke down in tears again. I really did not want to leave them or say goodbye, since we had just reunited 3 days prior, but we both had to go back to the reality our lives once were.
This is the short story of how I reunited with my biological family. I am still processing all my emotions, all that has happened, and all that has changed for me and my family. In time, I will share what I have learned about my family and how they have changed my life, but I am still trying to formulate it all in my head and I feel like I have babbled on long enough. I still talk to my brother everyday via Facebook, and Google Translate has become my best friend too.
I am so grateful for the love and support from everyone who has followed my journey or has even taken interest in knowing what I am doing with my life. Your excitement and happiness fills my heart and makes me feel blessed to know that wherever I am, whatever I am doing, love guides my heart and relationships. It is my joy to share this all with you and for you to share this with your friends. Not every adoption story ends with a good outcome, but I hope my sharing with you all may allow you or someone you know to find the strength to reconnect with his or her own biological past. My only advice is, do not force them, allow them to do it in their own time.
This will not be my last article about this, but there is not much more I can say because I am still trying to process it all. I hope this story inspires you as much as you all inspire me.
A very special thank you to Ananda van der Merwe for documenting EVERYTHING for me!!
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